You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
