This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
