We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will be naked everywhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
