I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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