You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
