I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
