Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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