Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
