five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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