you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
