No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize