Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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