You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
