i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
