***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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