Can i not drive my cunt home
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
