I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
