he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
