well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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