I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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