if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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