I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
