I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
