Im at strip club and am horny
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
