VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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