If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
