I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
