you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
