why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
