I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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