I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think im going to throw up on grandma
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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