Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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