Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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