So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again