he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
