I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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