god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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