my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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