I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
