So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
