That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
