Don't make out with my wife yet
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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