You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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