He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
