talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
