Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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