you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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