So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
