shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
