there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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