He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
