I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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