Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
