Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
