ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
