She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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