How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
