When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
