If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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